Sunday, January 27, 2013

B.A.N. Emotional Reactivity

This topic has been on my mind for the last few weeks, but it was never more relevant for me than this week. It was a week of emotional ups and downs and some serious frustrations and disappointments. In the past, it has been so easy to either shove the emotions out of sight and out of mind, or to let it just all explode. Neither are helpful. Hence, this week's conversation starter: B.A.N. emotional reactivity.

Instead of listening to the same songs and talk shows on the radio over and over that can put me on edge before walking into work (NOT a good way to start the day anywhere, but especially not with EBD youth. That's just asking for it), I fished through my console for the CD's I bought at a mindfulness seminar last year with Mary NurrieStearns. I remembered that I liked her as a speaker, so I gave the CD a try to see if I could find anything at all helpful for that day. Oh, and I did.

Image courtesy of  http://www.personaltransformation.com/cds.html

What I found were ideas that I quickly wrote down and gave to my co-workers upon entering the building so I wouldn't forget them. I was pretty excited about these seemingly simple, but challenging concepts. The one that has been sticking with me for the past week is to B.A.N emotional reactivity (This is not how she presents the material, but I needed the acronym to have a chance at remembering the concept).

Breathe.

Allow.

Name.

When you are facing an emotionally charged situation and feel yourself reacting, this is a way to avoid stuffing the feelings and thoughts down for them to come out in a side-ways or completely unrelated manner, as well as to deter your emotional reactivity from coming out in your actions.

For example, a child slams the door and comes charging out of the classroom for the fourth time this hour, stomping into another room swearing, throwing things and refusing to return to class. Immediately I feel strong emotions well up inside me. I could choose to ignore the emotions and push on, hoping they won't come out on the kid. I could choose to let my emotions impulsively lead my actions and do or say something that is the opposite of helpful or therapeutic, and probably pretty damaging to the child and our rapport. Instead, I am going to B.A.N. this experience.


When I feel the strong emotions, the first thing I am going to do is BREATHE. This will decrease the intensity of my physiological response. Secondly, I am going to ALLOW this unpleasant and strong emotion to continue. This is the opposite of what I want to do. However, it will subside. Emotions will always come down, you just have to let them run their course and decrease in intensity. Third, I am going to NAME what I am experiencing. "I am feeling frustrated because I have worked really hard to help this child remember their coping skills."   "I feel annoyed and pressured because I have so much paperwork to do."   "I feel discouraged and frustrated because this child knows how to get what they need."

By B.A.N.ning my emotional reactivity, it is less likely to come out in my actions or some other way down the line (including somatically or through burn-out). I have also once again practiced mindfulness. I am staying in the present, breathing to decrease my physiological response, allowing the emotions to continue to decrease my emotional response, and naming the situation to increase insight into why I might be feeling this way, what I may need, or what priorities I may need to adjust. After practicing this and understanding myself,  I am also better able to practice empathy and gain understanding in what the other person is trying to communicate verbally or behaviorally.

Think of some situations in which trying to B.A.N. your emotional reactivity would have made a situation different, perhaps for the better. Then the next time you have an emotional  reaction, pause and B.A.N. This has been so helpful to me that I have it taped to my lamp. Right next to the phone. Where I make all the intense phone calls after working all day. Believe me, it is necessary.


8 comments:

  1. Very practical. To personalize it I think I would pray during the "name it" part. Much better than reacting or stuffing! :)

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  2. Very practical indeed. I too would personalize it by B.A.N.P.!! Thanks, Jill :)

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    1. You're welcome! :-) practicality is what I do ;-)

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  3. Love it! Totally going to use this the next time my cat rips up something precious to me.

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    1. Oh yes, this definitely is essential for any pet parent too! Glad it was helpful :-)

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  4. As much as I'm usually skeptical of things that have these kind of acronyms, this was very useful. :) Thanks for sharing!

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    1. You're very welcome! I find that any kind of mnemonic device is essential when using something while stressed. I'm glad this one was helpful!

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